What’s the Deal with Low Libido?


Whether your libido is considered high or low is often dependent on your partner’s libido. If you and your partner both have what would be considered a low libido, then low libido would not be an issue. It’s when one partner has a libido that is higher or lower than their partner’s that relationship problems can occur.

Very few couples have identically matched sex drives all of the time. Recognizing the discrepancy in the levels of sexual desire is the first step to resolving the differences.

When there’s a relatively minor discrepancy in the sexual desire you and your partner share, there’s little cause for concern. But when the desire discrepancy is more obvious, this can have a negative impact on the relationship.

If you’re the one with the lower libido, you may feel that their partner is only interested in sex. Feeling guilty for having a lower libido can lead to strategies to avoid sex, such going to bed earlier (or later) than your partner, pretending to be asleep, using the “I’ve got a headache” line or starting an argument just before bedtime. Oftentimes sex becomes an activity just to keep the partner happy rather than out of desire and passion.

Your partner, who has a higher sex drive than you, will increase their attempts to engage in sex. This, of course, just makes the situation worse because you’ll feel pressured, and therefore even less inclined to have sex.

Your partner may feel angry or frustrated and even distressed that you no longer seem interested in him. It’s a downward spiral. If this sounds like your situation, it’s time to address the issue.


Pointing fingers at who is to blame for a loss of intimacy in a relationship gives immediate feedback on who’s really at fault. My mother often chided me when placing blame on others, “Remember there are three fingers pointing back at the real culprit!”

The quality of your communication with your partner will give you insight into the quality of your relationship. You can fake it in the bedroom but you can’t fake it in your heart. If something is missing – or gone amiss – then bring it into the open. It needs to open in your heart first – that’s not a step you can avoid.

Try this:

Don’t overwhelm yourself. Identify one thing you can implement today that will improve the quality of your sexual expression with your partner. Words, a gesture, a touch or a smile – start taking control of expressing your feelings to your partner.

Try figure out why you avoid sex in the first place, was it something that happened to you or is it that you feel inadequate in satisfying your partner or you have any other reason? Satisfying your partner comes in when you satisfy yourself when making love, it goes without much effort that the satisfaction is two way. I suggest that you get in the mood and enjoy completely with no inhibitions when making love. Please don’t have inhibitions with your man just let go and enjoy, you will be surprised.

One thing I often do when I feel my libido is low and he wants some … I honestly pray and ask God to help me get in the mood and enjoy the gift He has given me. Then when I am done and I have totally enjoyed I thank Him for the beautiful gift. It works for me, just try and see how it turns out to be.

God created sex and His desire is for us to enjoy it. Our bodies belong to each other as spouses; that is what 1 Corinthians 7:4 – The wife’s body does not belong only to her. It also belongs to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong only to him. It also belongs to his wife. New International Reader’s Version (NIRV)


One response »

  1. Pingback: The Psych Life » Ladies true or false; Can you really increase your sex drive? [Guest Author - Rachelle Avila]

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