What would you do when you know all is not well, you are approaching late 40s or 50 yrs have a good family, but you are not happy, have no good prospects of money coming in (yani uko broke) and time is flying and you can’t compete any more with Generation Y. You are frustrated and think there is something out there that you need to have or something along the way you lost and desperately want to get it. You have no clue how to go back or even how to move forward because there are serious consequences which you are afraid of facing. The idea of not willing to face them makes you ache in your stomach it makes you want to scream and cry so loudly coz you feel you are in a trap and you are sinking and sinking fast.
The other thing is that you are a man and as a man you need to keep put and need to work it out, can’t let your wife know that you no longer love her you don’t want to be in the marriage, you seriously need a plan, but you don’t have one. You know you don’t make her happy and she even thinks she does not make you happy and you both know this marriage is not just right things are not right and it pains you so hard that you can’t face the truth and do something about it.
Since you were a child you always knew your way around things you were sharp and had a very strong 6th sense, and an intuition that made you see and do things differently. You were a different child your mum thought you are just naughty and disobedient lakini you were just unique and loved your way, your freedom and independence. The sad thing is that your mum didn’t understand you and she could beat you so that ukae line and be like the others, and even when you excelled she thought it was not your effort. You have so much talent and you are so bright but it has not worked for you, you have been struggling and not making money, the money you make is for paying debts, your age mates have passed you and even pple younger than you are ahead, you are really sinking and you are unable to cry out for help.
At times you blame others, your mum & siblings, but you really miss your dad, he was your best friend and you shared a lot with him, unfortunately death robbed him from you at a tender age and the loss is still with you many years down the line. If he were alive may be your life would be different that is what you tell yourself sometimes. It’s hurting you and others that you are not what you should be, you have let yourself down and other. You are sinking so fast can someone help me please? You ask yourself but no one seems to hear you don’t even want anyone to hear coz how! am a man am supposed to fix things.
It’s to you Mr. Man you are sinking and you need help but you are afraid to ask for it or don’t know who to turn to. Mr. Man is in a marriage he is not happy, he is a Christian and he does not cheat on his wife lakini he is not happy. He wonders what I will do. He is carrying a big burden of many things that happened in the past and they are making him not move an inch and he is desperate to move on.
Am sure you are wondering who this guy is … he is someone who I can see sinking and its reminding me that many other Kenyan men are in the same boat. Mr. Man could be even be doing so well financially but is so unhappy; it could be you who is reading this article. The one I know he is not doing well financially and it bothers him so much, how can we help such men, our can we step in and hold them up so that they can get in touch with the real boy who was so full of life the one he loves to remember.
These men are with us and they have so much pain from their past, they had no father he was absent and if present didn’t care much about his sons. They were brought up by their mum and no one taught them what is to be a man and they are struggling trying so hard to fix things up. There is no one out there talking to them and encouraging them, they are made to believe they know it all and don’t need help.
My dear guys … it’s time to say I need help and I need it fast. You could be hurting your wife by just sleeping around or you just like playing around with girls you think it’s fun and its being a man, you tell yourself “a man has to have another woman”. It’s a lie from the devil am sure you don’t like it. May be you experienced and played with homosexuality and you are now so hooked and married and you don’t know how to get out, for sure you know it’s a bad habit and you even hate it so much but you are hooked, you look at your wife and hate yourself. May be you are HIV + and she has no clue and you are still going to the ‘red street’, you want to stop and start a fresh lakini you have no clue how.
You could be stuck and sinking coz you are afraid of starting a new career and you hate to think that what you are doing to earn a living is not really making anything you are just there lakini hakuna kitu hakuna. Your wife is the one who is providing everything in the house and even giving you money to go have a drink with friends, or money for the cigar. If not she buys a car and you use it with your clade’ for a holiday to Mombasa and feel nothing about it, in fact you will get money from her (ati ya biashara or some crap) to go spend with her. She suspects that are cheating and she confronts you, instead of even being apologetic or just be nice, you abuse her and make her feel like a rag. Honestly, my dear men let’s do something, let’s make a change and a real change.
It’s sad when you are being provided for by your woman, just because you have refused to work or you are stuck in a biashara you know is not making anything. Your children have never seen you buy for them anything, if you buy it’s your wife who has given you the money to buy (kutengeneza jina). Mr. Man stop for a moment and look at your life and check where you need to something, it’s ok to start small it’s ok to shout for help and it’s ok to serve and to go look for a job or an alternative business that will bring some income home. Being a man is when you know you need to do something and you take action.
Mr. Man I don’t have answers but I just want to make you aware of what is happening, there is so much I have not even written and is happening, you know it and you could be going through it. It’s time for you to ask yourself some questions that only you can answer and do some amends.
May be Mr. Man 1 is doing well and everything is good in your life … please help the ones that are sinking and help them to rise up and be genuine and let them be accountable, if you need to just give a hug to a young man you think is on the wrong road please hurry and hug him before he sinks, if you know your father is a good man who can help others pliz encourage him to take up the role and start encouraging our men.