Mapenzi Points and Respect Points


When we receive a special gift from someone we love and care about. We are excited and take of the gift because we treasure it and we even place it in a special place so that you can see it more often. However with time we forget the gift and even the special feelings it ignited the moment we received it.

When we look at Ndoa … it’s a gift, when a couple gets married there is fire and passion and romance is so hot and actually the couple glows with love and happiness. However with time things happen and the glow goes down and the passion is not as much.

What really happens? The lady will say “he longer cares for me, he is always late, he doesn’t love me anymore if he did he would not have done 1, 2, 3 . the list goes on and on. As for the guy he complains “she never respects me, she takes me for granted …”

Today I want to talk about respect and love … living Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband

This is a topic that can raise eyes and not a favorite if you are the one being commanded to love and the other respect, it’s not a very easy thing to do especially when there is no reason to. However when God commanded us to live Ephesians 5:33 in marriage, He knew it was going to be possible and we can live it.

Mapenzi commands us to live Ephesians 5:33, because love shows us how, when you allow mapenzi to rule your ndoa then you can live it.

Women are to respect their husbands and submit to them, I want to say that if any woman follows the command and lives it, she will see her man in a different light and he will change to be the most successful guy around. Men love to be respected and supported, they want to know you find them the very best and you think highly of them. If he knows this then he can achieve anything coz he knows he can count on you and you believe in him.

Here are some ways of showing respect. Men are not so complicated in fact if he wants  to be assured of sex everyday and a dose of respect and admiration he is good to go and the mapenzi points will fill the home.

  • Respect – When a wife respects, nurtures, and affirms her husband, it deepens her love for him. On the other hand, when we don’t regard something as valuable and neglect it, our feelings for it begin to wane. At the top of any man’s list of needs is respect from his mate; God created men that way. He needs respect as much from his wife as he needs air to breathe. A man who doesn’t receive respect from his wife is a man who begins to wither on the inside. He’s all right as long as no one is standing on the air hose running to the tank labeled Respect. Show him that he matters and let him know that.
  • Admiration – my dear fellow women admire and compliment your man and you will be surprised what he will achieve. A man lives on knowing he is doing well and is making it. Compliment him and build his ego you will benefit from it. Men like compliments too – so if your man has a killer smile, amazing abs (mmmhh that belly) or big biceps – tell him! We all know how great we feel when a man pays us a sincere compliment, so letting your man know that you love his style or the way he walks will make him feel 12 feet tall! Choose something specific, and maybe unexpected, that you find attractive about him, and let him know in a genuine way that you only have eyes for him. Try to tell him 3 things that you love about him every day. He’ll be on Cloud 9 for weeks!
  • Be pleasant: It is said that ‘we need to treat others the way we want ourselves to be treated’. Never be rude to our husband, family and friends. Be warm, kind, positive, understanding and friendly. Work to be pleasant toward your husband. Don’t be one of those people who make everyone around feel bad just because they have had a hard day. Welcome your husband with a smile when he comes home instead of a sour face. A good wife honors her hubby by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on her face and a neat and clean appearance. Listen to him talk about his day especially if it was a difficult one. If you don’t like how you partner treats you, take a minute to notice how you treat your partner and correct your behavior.Shouting at him will do you no good and it will ruin your ndoa.
  • Make him feel needed: Most men like to feel useful – whether it’s fixing the kitchen sink,the door screw, screwing in a light bulb or helping you solve your crisis at work. I’m not suggesting you nag him to death or bog him down with chores, but find ways to let him know you need him by asking him for his help or his advice every once in a while. Men are great problem solvers, and they truly want to help the woman they love through their challenges lakini they might not solve most of your problems but they want to be part of the solution and let them know you appreciated it.. The reason most men shy away from “independent” women is because they sometimes send a message that they don’t “need” a man. But being self-sufficient doesn’t mean the men in our lives serve no purpose, so let him be the man and thank him for all that he does on a daily basis.
  • Give him more sex – i need not say much ..they love to make love … please do it more often.

Men Love your wife as you love yourself

Mmmmmhhh how easy is this? It calls for first loving yourself and then loving her as much. Women seem complicated and very hard to please … however women are not that complicated and loving them is easy. The issue is that everything you do either earns you mapenzi points or subtracts mapenzi points.

The woman in your life will once in a while test you, to see if you still love her. They need the assurance that you love them. She is created to need your love, protection and provision. That is your duty, and if you are able to do it you will be a happy man. However this are not easy things to do and that is why God commanded you to Love your wife as you love yourself. A man who loves himself will eat well and take care of himself, the same thing he will love his wife and take care of her. Loving yourself means doing good things to yourself and looking for the best for your life, the same thing you need to do for your wife.

Here are some ideas on earning the mapenzi points

  • Listen to her, let her talk and tell you how her day was and how that colleague did something bad to her. And pliz listen and be attentive and let her pour out her heart, just listen she doesn’t want you to fix it she wants to tell you and she will be ok.
  • Show your love and affection to her as often as possible. Every woman is a sucker of affection. If you only give them that stuff (yani doing good things just to …) to get to bed, your wife is going to notice and think it’s insincere. A good husband will appreciate his wife and will notice her, even after twenty or fifty years of marriage. She needs you to notice when she gets that new hair do or dresses up in something sexy for you to come home to. If you fail to notice what she is doing for you too many times, she may just count it as fruitless and quit. Gift your her something fancy when she least expects it….mmmmmhhh women love this. Every Woman likes to be pampered. But every woman has their likings, give things what she likes instead of forcing your likes on her and show her that you care and would be always there for her. Never forget the special days in her life. Make an effort to initiate spontaneous affection with your wife. Build the companionship by doing things together whether it is a common interest or hobby. Give her a hug or surprise kiss and tell her how much you love her. Hold hands with her when you’re out together. These small gestures show your wife that you’ve thought of her and help you reinforce your commitment to your wife.
  • Reliable, Responsible and Supportive: Every Woman wants her partner to be reliable and be there for her when she needs her. Support your wife in all stages of life. Provide reassurance when she is feeling down. Do not belittle her or hurt her ego. If she is a working woman understand her work pressures and problems. Be proud of her on her accomplishments and do not forget to complement her. Be available for her when she needs a shoulder to cry or when she needs support from you. Let her know that you care for her. When you are not near her at least call her even if you talk to her for only a minute or two. This will earn you mapenzi points, and your marriage will be bliss.
  • Offer Protection: A woman need to feel safe and secured with her man. She needs to feel that when he is with her no one can harm her. You don’t need to be a muscle man but at least when you are with her others should not be making a pass at her. She wants her man to behave like a man and treat her like a lady when she is with you.
  • Keep her happy in Bed: Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in any marriage. Good Sex helps to strengthen your emotional and physical attraction to her. Please your wife in bed and be faithful to her. No woman would tolerate a cheating partner. Good sex plays a vital part when it comes to a satisfying relationship and if you are not skilled in bed that is going to be a major turnoff be willing to learn together, and get to know what & how she likes it. Create time for sex and intimacy and enjoy each other.
  • Be pleasant to people around you including your wife, children, friends and family. Be warm, kind, positive, understanding and friendly. It is often heard said that ‘What we give is what we get back.’ When you are positive you bring in positive energy and you will also receive the same.
  • Give her Space, As a Husband you need to understand that your wife has a life other than you also. She has her parents, friends and colleagues who too are part of her life. She also may have some hobbies or passions he is involved in. Don’t expect her undivided attention all the time.

These are just some few tips …pliz add more ..


5 responses »

  1. Pingback: Mapenzi Points and Respect Points | Kenyan Patriot

  2. I do accept as true with all of the ideas you’ve introduced on your post. They are very convincing and will definitely work. Still, the posts are too quick for newbies. May just you please extend them a bit from subsequent time? Thanks for the post.

  3. Pingback: Shahiri: Kwa Watafutao Mapenzi « Literary Chronicles

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