I believe we have had a chance with mapenzi. Mapenzi is a wonderful thing and it makes the people in love glow and they feels a sense of belonging, which makes them have the confidence that they will always have the other person with them for always. We believe they can sacrifice for us … we all know the story line “I can get the moon for you”. When mapenzi grows then a serious commitment is made and a ndoa is created. We vow to be there for each other through thick and thin, and to love till death.
When I got married I didn’t really understand the vows, ok I got the meaning of the words, however I didn’t understand the deep meaning of loving. I have learnt that love is needed and shown most when you don’t feel or don’t want to love, it’s when you have difficult times in your marriage. It’s when I know he has done something wrong and annoying that I need to put on love and at that time I need grace from God to love.
At this time I have had to love sacrificially …. Have you ever been in such a place, when you feel like not loving or sacrificing, yet it’s so needed?
I have learnt to look deep into my heart and sacrifice what I love, give up a certain dreams, give up friends, give up some habits and renew myself so that I can love him and my kids unconditionally. One thing I will admit is that it has not been easy, but I have read and re-read the vows and come to understand them and live them. I have also come to live the verse that talks about living and cleaving … “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (cleave) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
This verse addressed men specifically; however it also addresses all of us. In this case when the word of God says a man shall leave his father and mother. Here God is also taking about those things we love, the things we did when we were single the things we did without much thought because we were single. Those things God requires us to live them or discuss them with our spouse before doing them.
When He talks about cleaving God is saying “do things together as a couple”. Cleaving meaning holding to each there yani kama glue and becoming one. Have you ever taken a shoe for repair to a shoe maker? The first thing he does is to take the shoe, scrap off the old glue and dirt and apply new glue let it dry and then stick back the shoe together.
The living is scraping off the old habits and dreams that just involved you and not your spouse or family. Then applying of the glue is the learning and relearning and then the sticking back is the process of a couple realigning their lives to become one. It’s not an easy process but possible it’s a journey that you take together every day and learn new things. Sometimes we sacrifice for our children and give up dreams because of them. It is all in God’s plan and He knows best when he talks about living and cleaving.
Living and cleaving is one thing that many couples struggle with, however one cannot be married and in love without truly living and cleaving. This means one will need to sacrifice because of love and gain love because of sacrifice.
As I have walked in this journey of marriage I have sacrificed things that I so desired to do. These things were a benefit to me but a major loss to my marriage and family. I have made choices that make my marriage and family come first. The times I have sacrificed I have done it because I love my family and have known that it is the best thing to do.
Am sure some are asking why should we sacrifice? My answer is simple … did Jesus have to die on the cross for us? Did He have to suffer for us? He did it because he loved us. He loved us so much that He gave up His own life. In life it’s not possible for us to sacrifice as much as Christ did, and that is why the small pleasures that can break or bring hurt to our spouses we should try our best to give them up and show true love.
One thing is that both couples should love sacrificially and unconditionally if they don’t and only one spouse sacrifices it can be a very hurting and painful. Therefore let’s look into our lives and see what we need to give up for Mapenzi na Ndoa. It’s normally a tough thing to do especially if you have always gotten your way but it will give you rewards like you have never known.
Ask Jesus to show you His love and then you will be able to love like Him. The word of God says that we should love like Christ loves the church, He is the author of love and He is Love, He can show you how to love if you let Him.
Love and love sacrificially ….